Six steps to becoming more effective parents

Parenting is not the same for everybody, and our own lives are the perfect example of it. We might have been raised by our own parents differently, and we may even justify that our parenting style is only based on how we were raised. Others may also reason that they became responsible adults even with the problematic parenting method they grew up with. At the end of the day, all we want is to be effective parents to our kids.

So, here are six steps to more effective parenting in this day and age:

1. Your vocal and body language is absorbed and your expression takes up residence in the minds of your children.

Remember that whatever your child sees you doing, they are most likely to recall, then imitate in the future. This is especially true with small children. Whether it’s waking them up with a kiss, or shouting at them for spilling their soup at a family meal, young children will always remember them without really knowing if it’s a good or bad thing.

The effect of your actions on child development

Your actions affect a young person’s development more than any other factor. If you, or another parent, have low self-control and are often angry, your child will definitely remember your facial expressions and gestures and will pick them up in no time. Why? Because you are your child’s role model. Many parents seem to forget that. What you say or do sets an example for them to follow.

So the next time you’re on the verge of cursing in front of your child, think of how it would impact them in their daily life or in the near future.

2. Children benefit from independent play.

Many parents think their children should always socialize with others. Sure, older children thrive in peer relationships and hanging out with friends, but it does not mean that playing or working alone does not do them any good.

Independent play is a huge part of a child’s development, especially in their early years. Young children benefit a lot from it. Allowing your child to do things on their own gives them room for creativity, problem-solving, resourcefulness, self-reliance, and greater independence. Let your child develop their own mental and social capacities naturally.

He loves setting up his toys like this.

3. Teach children to be kind.

Whether you were raised by authoritarian parents or uninvolved parents, I’m sure they didn’t want you to grow up as some sick antisocial adult who refuses to show kindness to others.

We’ve heard it all of the time — “Actions speak louder than words.” Parents provide an example to their children. If they see that their parents are unwelcoming of people different from their own beliefs, cultural values, and even physical appearance, there is a higher risk that they will adopt this behavior as well. Even if you tell them not to discriminate among people, and all living things at that, if you are not an excellent role model, your words don’t really mean much.

As they grow, a child’s behavior gradually changes, and we, parents, have so much to contribute to that. If they grow up to be kind and inclusive of other children, then we know we’ve done our part in ensuring that the world is a less scary place to live in.

4. Let your children know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them even if you don’t love their behavior.

We can’t help it. Behavioral problems in kids can arise at any time. Your children can be anything from picky eaters to screen time junkies, or they can just simply rack your brain out of your head whenever they feel like it. This is one of the many curses of parenting and family life, I tell you. Not to mention how other family members might react whenever our kids go into kidzilla mode. There may be a lot of causes, really, some of which we can’t really figure out, but a child’s acting out can also be a response to how other adults or even their parents treat them.

Going through meltdowns

If you feel that your child’s behavior is unacceptable only at a given time, in a specific situation, or with a specific person present, it could mean that they are not comfortable and they just do not know how to express their feelings. A child’s life is filled with a myriad of emotions and experiences that are completely new to them. It is essential that you help children understand this.

She usually has meltdowns when she sees a lot of people looking at her.

Setting limits

However understanding you may be, you also have to set rules for your kids to follow, especially with regards to their daily activities. Young children thrive in routine work, so whether it’s a 1-hour-per-day screen time limit or being seated at the dinner table by 6 PM, your kids will definitely follow through if rules are properly set.

5. Help young children learn become self-confident.

American psychologist Diana Baumrind says that children raised by authoritative parents grow up to be more confident and self-reliant. They are not likely to be depressed or socially outcast, and can therefore become productive members of society.

Validating feelings

This starts with acknowledging your child’s feelings even at an early age, assuring them that whatever is going on inside their tiny fragile emotions is valid and they should not be ashamed of it. Take care of your child’s well-being and mental health by affirming not only good behavior but also challenging ones that need a little understanding from you.

Also, remember to spend tons of quality time with your kids. This allows them to feel that they are special and are worth spending time on. Listening to your children and engaging in conversation with them also boosts their self-esteem and well-being.

6. Be all there.

It’s easy to say that we are mostly present in our children’s lives, especially if we spend most of our day at home, or, because of the pandemic, have spent more time with them than we intended to. Other parents think being physically present is enough, but it’s not always the case.

How many of us give our undivided attention to our kids when we are with them? Does family come first in everything we do? Do we put our gadgets aside when we are with our kids? Do we always find time to try to understand our child’s feelings every single day? Some parents find it quite draining having to be with their children 24/7 while some enjoy this luxury of family time. Other adults, on the other hand, have a higher risk of mental health issues arising from the stresses brought about by parenting.

Long-term benefits

Whatever principles we have as adults or whichever views we have about family, our physical and emotional presence must always be felt in order to have an effect on child development. We can’t always be there for our kids ALL of the time, but when we are, the least we could do is to be ALL there for them.

You decide on your parenting style

“To each his own.” We’ve heard this maxim countless times, and it applies to parenting too. Apparently, there is no one formula to be the best parent, but we can all do our best to try to be effective parents one step at a time.

Content repurposed, literally!

I recently learned about the term “content repurposing” in podcasts, so now I’m doing it for a blog post I did 10 years ago. 😅 Here’s 24-year-old me and my realizations as a work-from-home noob.

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It’s been months since the last post. I really should be doing something fruitful with my life right now. In between December 3, 2010 and this day, March 4, 2011, I’ve had enough spare time to reevaluate my goals and what I really wanted to do. Here’s what I came up with:

Working from home does my body no good. Sounds like a joke, but hey, I’m not kidding! Totoo! I gained so many pounds over the last 3 months. When I saw my weight at the clinic yesterday, my eyes literally bulged. This was my heaviest yet, which made me come up with a next realization.

With COVID-19 on the loose, seems like this one’s a given!

Healthful food is helpful (pala). Sure I knew I had to eat veggies and fruits and carbs and protein-rich foods to maintain a healthy diet. The problem was, I ate too much. And too much of junk food as well. Ha! Sad story for me there. Anyway, healthful food is the way – nothing follows!

Got nothing to add to that. I really love junk food, though!

Learning is so much fun – when I do it with others. Photoshop class is on its 11th week. At first I didn’t like the idea of studying Photoshop. It was kinda humiliating, I thought, knowing that many of my friends are already good at it. But since I was offered free tuition fee (by my dad), I couldn’t help but grab the chance. With this humble act, I realized I loved being in class, and studying alone was a drag. I rarely spoke to my classmates, though, but it was fun observing (Ssh, don’t tell!).

I still love learning with others, but with separate activities to work on. Ambivert nga pala ‘ko!

Learning is my passion; teaching is application. With every new job opportunity I’m faced with, I realize there are so many things I have to know. I have to improve to reach a higher step. I have to learn to reach the next ladder. And boy, I am so determined to do that now. I’ve never been so enthused in my life! 🙂

Why does this sound very much like the present me? Pa’no ko yayaman nyan?

Focusing on one area of competency is good, but using this competency to advance in another is better! Enough said.

Yup! After 10 years, I’ve figured that you don’t get to your dream goal with the knowledge and skills you had in the beginning. So even though you’re already good at a few things, strive harder so you can be excellent in more.
BUT of course, this does not apply to everybody. Some prefer to focus on just two to three areas. Then there’s me who wants to excel in many areas if not all. I’ll niche down very soon naman, don’t worry.

I’m 24, and needless to say, I have to grow up and leave my childish habits and ideas behind. Thank God He’s always there to be my Guide and my Shelter from the storms in my life.

Sana all 24 pa rin! 😏

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to him be [all] the glory! — Eph. 3:20-21a

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I can’t help but think I was wiser 10 years ago. Yeah, maybe.

Beyond Grammar: Retiring from the Nazi

For the first time in my life, I have decided to not let grammar and lower order concerns be the deciding factor if a written work is A-worthy.

Being a Grammar Nazi is tough. People might think I enjoy proofreading every printed material or correcting their mistakes — no, it’s not an easy task, especially when you’ve got hardcore obsessive-compulsiveness traversing your bloodstream, and your bloodline.

Has an insect or an ant ever entered your ears? That’s what it feels like to hear grammatical inconsistencies — it itches your ears. And when it bites, or when the speaker does not stop talking that is, it makes you cringe. And the only way to relieve yourself is to tackle the source of pain.

While I consider myself a writer, I won’t say I’m a good one. I may well pass as a good writer because of my (quote) unparalleled (unquote) grammar skills, but if you pay close attention to the content and diction in my writing, you’ll soon find out that my very limited vocabulary and lack of substance are meticulously covered by good grammar.

As a firm believer of learning through experience, I too have learned, over years of teaching the English language, that students have so much to say — much more than what we expect from them!

But almost always, they have trouble expressing themselves and they just give up on speaking out altogether — all because they couldn’t find the right words to say or the right method by which to say them.

You see, as a teacher, my aim is not only for my students to learn — I want to learn from them, too, and I honeslty believe I can. But, I figured, how can I learn from these young people if they are trapped in a system where only their teacher is the expert? How can they share what might become the turning point of their lives if the only method of sharing is based on pre-defined standards they have not even mastered and have little knowledge about?

For the first time in my teaching career, I did not include correct grammar in the rubric. If learning should be interactive in my classroom, teacher and student should both be able to express themselves freely.

So I took that leap — the challenge of finding something good in the content, in the person, and looking past wobbly sentence structures, vanishing punctuation marks, and somersaulting subjects and verbs.

Today, no — the day I assigned this blogging project to my students — is the day I left the Nazi office. And while I enjoy the mischiefs of essay checking and all, I will not be anymore conformed with the totalitarian principles of Grammar Nazism.

Or so I thought

After giving birth, I thought my only role in the world was that of a mom. I thought I was exempted from performing other responsibilities because I was taking care of my child. I thought I didn’t have to be sensitive of the feelings of others because being a mommy requires an infinite deal of sensitivity. I thought it was absolutely fine not to spend precious time with people, family in particular, because, after all, every bit and part of me was oh-so-devoted to first-time motherhood. This baby is family!

I thought I was doing a great job. But I was not.

I forgot that I was also a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a wife. Realization rushed in late, and with it came circumstances that were unimaginably tough for wee little me — tough enough for me to not talk about it for now.

Nevertheless, the assurance of God’s sovereignty was present, and His message in Romans 8:28 was clearer than day: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (NLT)

Despite the uncertainty of things, I have this verse to hold on to. There might have been a few setbacks, but somehow they seemed to work together for the better and paved the way for an enlightened and encouraged me.

 

Ang Anak Kong Hindi Mahilig Matulog

Yung anak ko, marunong nang matulog nang tanghali. Marunong na rin siyang manatiling nakapikit at hindi dumilat agad kapag naalimpungatan. Marunong na siyang kalabanin ang liwanag ng araw para maituloy yung tulog niya. Yung morning at afternoon nap niya, tumatagal na ng higit isang oras. At higit sa lahat, marunong na siyang magpababa.

Siguro nagtataka yung iba — anong klaseng bata ba yung anak ko?

Sabi ng mga magulang ko, nung baby daw ako, hindi ako iyakin, at kung umiyak man, madali lang patahanin, kaya nung nag-maternity leave ako, nag-uwi ako ng raket kasi naisip ko ang haba ng 2 months, imposibleng di ko matrabaho yun. Madali lang naman siguro mag-alaga ng baby; matutulog lang naman siya palagi. 

Pero hindi pala pare-pareho ang mga baby. 😱

Nagkataon na yung binigay sa amin ay yung clingy, iyakin, at hindi mahilig matulog. 😂 Siya yung baby na gustong laging nakadikit sa akin o sa nag-aalaga sa kanya. Siya yung baby na gusto lagi ng atensyon. Siya yung baby na nakakapagod alagaan, kasi nga mahilig siyang maglaro at ayaw niyang matulog. Sa sobrang hirap niyang alagaan, yung pag-ihi at paliligo, pati pagkain, pahirapan pa.

Yung prinsipyo ko sa pag-aalaga ng baby na hayaan sila at wag buhatin pag umiiyak, hindi ko pala magagawa sa anak ko. Kasi ang totoo, hindi siya ganung klaseng bata. Hindi uubra sa kanya yung ganun. Hindi siya katulad ko nung baby ako o ng ibang batang ilapag mo lang sa isang tabi ay ayos na at hindi iiyak.

May mga panahon na pagod na ko at naiinis na at hindi ko na kayang makipaglaro o makipagbolahan sa kanya dahil mainit na ang ulo ko. May mga panahon ding tinatanong ko ang Diyos bakit hindi na lang yung mabait na baby ang binigay sa amin — yung baby na tahimik lang, hindi iyakin, hindi malikot, natutulog sa umaga at hapon, at natutulog ng soooobrang haba sa gabi.

Pero baka nga kasi dahil sa init ng ulo ko kaya siya ang binigay sa akin. Baka ang dami ko kasing oras para sa sarili ko kaya ilaan ko naman daw sa pag-aalaga sa iba. Baka kulang ang pasensya ko kaya habaan ko naman daw ang pisi ko. Baka masyado akong nakatuon sa sarili kong kaalaman kaya puso ko naman daw ang gamitin ko.

Iyakin siya nung maliit, laging nagpapakarga, at malikot hanggang ngayon. Gusto niyang laging nakadikit sa mga tao, laging gumagala o lumalabas, at laging nakakakita ng tao. Kung may girlfriend na high maintenance, si Samsam yung high maintenance baby.

Ang daming pwedeng ikapagod sa batang to. Kung susumahin ko lahat ng hindi ko makita sa anak ko, lahat ng kahinaan at kapintasan niya, mapapagod talaga ako, mabuburyo, at susuko na lang.

Pero pag tiningnan ko kung anong mabuti sa kanya, kung saan siya magaling at anong kalakasan niya, siguradong kaiinggitan ako ng ibang mga nanay na may “mababait” at “hindi iyaking anak.”

Pero syempre, sa susunod na yun. Nagising na siya eh. 😉