Parenting is not the same for everybody, and our own lives are the perfect example of it. We might have been raised by our own parents differently, and we may even justify that our parenting style is only based on how we were raised. Others may also reason that they became responsible adults even with the problematic parenting method they grew up with. At the end of the day, all we want is to be effective parents to our kids.
So, here are six steps to more effective parenting in this day and age:
1. Your vocal and body language is absorbed and your expression takes up residence in the minds of your children.
Remember that whatever your child sees you doing, they are most likely to recall, then imitate in the future. This is especially true with small children. Whether it’s waking them up with a kiss, or shouting at them for spilling their soup at a family meal, young children will always remember them without really knowing if it’s a good or bad thing.
The effect of your actions on child development
Your actions affect a young person’s development more than any other factor. If you, or another parent, have low self-control and are often angry, your child will definitely remember your facial expressions and gestures and will pick them up in no time. Why? Because you are your child’s role model. Many parents seem to forget that. What you say or do sets an example for them to follow.
So the next time you’re on the verge of cursing in front of your child, think of how it would impact them in their daily life or in the near future.
2. Children benefit from independent play.
Many parents think their children should always socialize with others. Sure, older children thrive in peer relationships and hanging out with friends, but it does not mean that playing or working alone does not do them any good.
Independent play is a huge part of a child’s development, especially in their early years. Young children benefit a lot from it. Allowing your child to do things on their own gives them room for creativity, problem-solving, resourcefulness, self-reliance, and greater independence. Let your child develop their own mental and social capacities naturally.
3. Teach children to be kind.
Whether you were raised by authoritarian parents or uninvolved parents, I’m sure they didn’t want you to grow up as some sick antisocial adult who refuses to show kindness to others.
We’ve heard it all of the time — “Actions speak louder than words.” Parents provide an example to their children. If they see that their parents are unwelcoming of people different from their own beliefs, cultural values, and even physical appearance, there is a higher risk that they will adopt this behavior as well. Even if you tell them not to discriminate among people, and all living things at that, if you are not an excellent role model, your words don’t really mean much.
As they grow, a child’s behavior gradually changes, and we, parents, have so much to contribute to that. If they grow up to be kind and inclusive of other children, then we know we’ve done our part in ensuring that the world is a less scary place to live in.
4. Let your children know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them even if you don’t love their behavior.
We can’t help it. Behavioral problems in kids can arise at any time. Your children can be anything from picky eaters to screen time junkies, or they can just simply rack your brain out of your head whenever they feel like it. This is one of the many curses of parenting and family life, I tell you. Not to mention how other family members might react whenever our kids go into kidzilla mode. There may be a lot of causes, really, some of which we can’t really figure out, but a child’s acting out can also be a response to how other adults or even their parents treat them.
Going through meltdowns
If you feel that your child’s behavior is unacceptable only at a given time, in a specific situation, or with a specific person present, it could mean that they are not comfortable and they just do not know how to express their feelings. A child’s life is filled with a myriad of emotions and experiences that are completely new to them. It is essential that you help children understand this.
Setting limits
However understanding you may be, you also have to set rules for your kids to follow, especially with regards to their daily activities. Young children thrive in routine work, so whether it’s a 1-hour-per-day screen time limit or being seated at the dinner table by 6 PM, your kids will definitely follow through if rules are properly set.
5. Help young children learn become self-confident.
American psychologist Diana Baumrind says that children raised by authoritative parents grow up to be more confident and self-reliant. They are not likely to be depressed or socially outcast, and can therefore become productive members of society.
Validating feelings
This starts with acknowledging your child’s feelings even at an early age, assuring them that whatever is going on inside their tiny fragile emotions is valid and they should not be ashamed of it. Take care of your child’s well-being and mental health by affirming not only good behavior but also challenging ones that need a little understanding from you.
Also, remember to spend tons of quality time with your kids. This allows them to feel that they are special and are worth spending time on. Listening to your children and engaging in conversation with them also boosts their self-esteem and well-being.
6. Be all there.
It’s easy to say that we are mostly present in our children’s lives, especially if we spend most of our day at home, or, because of the pandemic, have spent more time with them than we intended to. Other parents think being physically present is enough, but it’s not always the case.
How many of us give our undivided attention to our kids when we are with them? Does family come first in everything we do? Do we put our gadgets aside when we are with our kids? Do we always find time to try to understand our child’s feelings every single day? Some parents find it quite draining having to be with their children 24/7 while some enjoy this luxury of family time. Other adults, on the other hand, have a higher risk of mental health issues arising from the stresses brought about by parenting.
Long-term benefits
Whatever principles we have as adults or whichever views we have about family, our physical and emotional presence must always be felt in order to have an effect on child development. We can’t always be there for our kids ALL of the time, but when we are, the least we could do is to be ALL there for them.
You decide on your parenting style
“To each his own.” We’ve heard this maxim countless times, and it applies to parenting too. Apparently, there is no one formula to be the best parent, but we can all do our best to try to be effective parents one step at a time.
Must. Write. Or else. 